I Hate It!

I have always been frustrated with the church and the way they operate. You know what I think I hate the most? The way I feel I have been brainwashed by mainstream Christianity in America.

I know that numbers don't matter. I hate when people bring them up. But why does my head think I have failed if there is not a large crowd. I know that Christ is the answer. That only the Holy Spirit can convict of sin. But still I think if I find just the right message with the right story, or sing the right song, then people will get saved. I feel like I have been so brainwashed by the church that I will never be able to fully overcome.

Whose idea was it to write about how good you are on a piece of paper, and send it out to people hoping they will hire you to minister to them? Where is the Bible in that? Why do I think that is the way it must be? Church is obviously not working, I see that very clearly in the church I serve right now. But still we cling to this ideal. When did church membership make you a Christian over a deep radical encounter with a living God?

I hope that someday I will be free from the brainwashing given by the church, but sometimes I wonder if it is even possible.